Can’t sleep? Your Brain isn’t Broken (It’s Probably Just Being Overprotective)

We’ve all been there.

You glance at the clock…
11:47pm.

You promise yourself you’re definitely not looking again.

Next thing you know it’s 1:13am, you’re mentally replaying that awkward conversation from 2009, wondering whether that mole has always looked like that, and somehow you’ve ended up planning Christmas despite it only being August.

Sleep can feel wonderfully effortless… until it isn’t.

The frustrating thing is that the harder we try to sleep, the less likely it is to happen. It’s a bit like trying to force yourself to laugh or trying to remember someone’s name while everyone stares at you. The pressure itself gets in the way.

The good news? There are lots of gentle, natural ways to help your brain realise it’s actually safe enough to switch off.

First… stop trying so hard.

This sounds backwards.

But sleep isn’t something we do.

It’s something we allow.

The more your nervous system thinks, “I absolutely HAVE to sleep or tomorrow will be a disaster,” the more alert it becomes. From an evolutionary perspective, if something feels urgent, your brain assumes it must stay awake to deal with it.

Instead, try changing the goal.

Rather than trying to fall asleep, simply aim to rest.

Even lying quietly with your eyes closed allows your body to recover far more than many people realise.

Keep your body clock boringly consistent

Your circadian rhythm loves routine.

Going to bed and waking up at roughly the same time—even at weekends—helps train your internal clock.

Unfortunately, your brain doesn’t know it’s Saturday.

It just knows you’ve confused it.

Get outside early

Morning light is one of the most powerful ways of setting your body clock.

Just 10–20 minutes of natural daylight within an hour of waking helps regulate melatonin production later that evening.

Think of it as pressing the “Start Today’s Biological Clock” button.

No expensive gadgets required.

Watch the caffeine ambush

Many people can drink coffee after dinner and claim they sleep “absolutely fine.”

Sometimes they do.

Sometimes they simply fall asleep while getting significantly less deep sleep than they realise.

Caffeine has a half-life of around 5–7 hours, meaning a 3pm coffee may still be hanging around well into the evening.

If sleep is difficult, try moving your last caffeinated drink to before midday for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

Cool body, sleepy brain

Your core body temperature naturally drops before sleep.

Helping this process can make drifting off easier.

Try:

• A cool bedroom (around 16–18°C if comfortable)

• Light bedding

• Warm bath or shower 60–90 minutes before bed (it sounds odd, but the cooling afterwards helps trigger sleepiness)

Give your brain somewhere to put tomorrow

Many people don’t have insomnia.

They have an overachieving planning department.

Keep a notebook beside the bed.

Instead of rehearsing tomorrow’s to-do list for the seventeenth time, write it down.

Your brain is much happier letting go once it knows the information isn’t going to disappear.

Breathe like someone who feels safe

Your breathing changes your nervous system.

Try a slow breathing pattern such as:

• Inhale for 4 seconds

• Exhale for 6–8 seconds

Don’t force deep breaths.

Think slow, soft and gentle.

Longer exhalations encourage the parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) system to take the lead.

Progressive muscle relaxation

Your brain often doesn’t realise how much tension you’re carrying.

Starting with your feet, gently tense each muscle group for a few seconds before letting it completely soften.

Work all the way up to your face.

It’s remarkable how often people discover they’re trying to sleep while unknowingly clenching half their body.

The lovely old NLP trick

This has been around for years, and whether it’s the NLP explanation or simply the power of imagination doesn’t really matter if it helps.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself surrounded by people who genuinely love you.

Picture them standing around you in a relaxed circle.

One person begins to yawn.

Then another.

Soon everyone is yawning.

Notice how contagious yawning is-even thinking about it while reading this probably made you want to yawn!

Our brains naturally mirror other people. Imagining calm, sleepy people around us can gently encourage our own nervous system towards relaxation.

No effort.

Just allowing yourself to join them.

(If you’ve yawned while reading this… you’re welcome.)

Be careful what your bedroom becomes

If you regularly work, scroll social media, answer emails and watch stressful documentaries in bed, your brain slowly learns that bed equals “thinking station.”

Whenever possible, try to keep your bed associated with:

• Sleep

• Rest

• Intimacy

Your brain loves patterns.

Let’s give it the right ones.

Move during the day

Exercise is one of the best sleep medicines available.

Walking.

Strength training.

Yoga.

Swimming.

Anything that your body enjoys.

Just avoid doing an all-out workout immediately before bed if you find it leaves you buzzing.

Don’t panic if you wake up

Everyone wakes several times during the night.

The difference is that good sleepers usually don’t remember doing it.

If you wake up, avoid clock watching.

Every glance at the clock gives your brain new maths to do.

“I’ve only got 4 hours left…”

Now you’ve accidentally started a midnight accounting degree.

Instead, remind yourself:

“I’m resting. My body still knows how to sleep.”

A note about screens

It’s not just the blue light.

It’s the emails.

The news.

The doom scrolling.

The online shopping.

The rabbit hole about why octopuses might secretly be aliens…

Your brain can’t distinguish between emotional stimulation and physical danger particularly well.

Giving yourself 30-60 minutes away from stimulating content before bed can make a surprising difference.

When sleep problems become chronic

If you’ve struggled with sleep for months or years, it’s rarely because you’ve forgotten how to sleep.

Often your brain has simply become a little overprotective.

Stress, trauma, anxiety, chronic pain, illness, hormonal changes, grief or major life events can all teach the nervous system that staying alert feels safer than switching off.

The wonderful thing about our brains is that they’re constantly learning.

Which means they can also relearn safety.

Sometimes improving sleep isn’t about finding the perfect supplement.

It’s about helping your nervous system remember that the danger has passed.

The bottom line

Sleep isn’t a performance.

You don’t get bonus points for trying harder.

The less pressure you put on yourself, the more opportunity your brain has to do what it has evolved to do for millions of years.

Be kind to yourself.

Trust your body.

And if all else fails…

Picture a room full of people who adore you…

…all having one enormous, wonderfully contagious yawn.

Sweet dreams.

References

Espie, C. A. (2002). Overcoming Insomnia: A Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy Approach.

Huberman, A. (2022). Toolkit for Sleep. Huberman Lab Podcast.

Irwin, M. R. (2015). Why Sleep Is Important for Health. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 143–172.

Perlis, M. L., Jungquist, C., Smith, M. T., & Posner, D. (2005). Cognitive Behavioral Treatment of Insomnia.

Walker, M. (2017). Why We Sleep. Penguin.

Xie, L., et al. (2013). Sleep drives metabolite clearance from the adult brain. Science, 342(6156), 373–377.